The Simple Wife

Instead of calling this blog “The Simple Wife” I briefly considered changing it to “The Simple Mother”…and I mean simple as in simple-minded. These last couple weeks have reminded of the true nobility of being a stay-at-home mom. Here’s what Robbie’s been up to try my patience, I mean, ahem, help me grow into a more loving, kind, patient mama.

Story # 1:

I was busy around the house and about to start cleaning up the front room when I was appalled to see that Robbie had taken the bathroom cleaner from the bathroom and was happily slathering himself in it. Maybe he liked the smell, maybe he was imitating me with body lotion, maybe he didn’t know WHAT he was doing, I don’t know, but I panicked. After a hysterical call to my husband, he sent me hunting for the number to poison control, and  I tried to pull myself together enough to call them. Riley, of course, chose that moment to wake up from his nap and start screaming which always flusters me when I’m on the phone. By the time a way-too-calm person finally answered the line and had me read him all the dangers posted on the bottle, I just knew I would be told to rush my baby to the ER, so while trying to sound like a calm, put-together mother (in actuality I wanted to start bawling), I began getting my things together, trying to change clothes, and listen to what the nice man was telling me I saw Robbie sitting on the couch going through my purse. Of all the things to choose from, what did he choose to pull out and start eating? Hand sanitizer, of course. I froze in paranoia. I was ON THE PHONE with poison control because I wasn’t sure if my son had been eating bathroom cleaner and there he was…eating hand sanitizer! I just about lost it right then while desperately trying to think of what to do next. Ask the man to call off the search on the bathroom cleaner and switch to one on hand sanitizer? Would he think I was incompetent? Crazy? Ahhhh…the joys of motherhood. Thankfully, all turned out well. I was instructed not to let Robbie eat or drink anything for the next 3 hours and watch signs…none of which appeared and another crises was successfully averted. Story #2 to follow…